Best Books On Intimacy In Marriage Pdf – We have spent years studying the science and practice of marriage. It started with our frustration. We thought it would be easy to get married. We thought that amazing sex would happen naturally.
Like most couples, we quickly learned that marriage is like learning an instrument and playing sports. It takes work. It requires getting rid of bad habits. You need to use the best tools to develop together.
Best Books On Intimacy In Marriage Pdf
This journey led us to interview over 100 people about their marriages. He led us to consult with the world’s leading marriage experts and therapists. Along the way, we’ve compiled a list of our favorite books in all categories of love, relationships, and marriage.
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The Big Idea: John Gottman was a pioneer in the scientific study of marriage. This classic book is like a guide to a healthy marriage. Know what not to do: Avoid the “four musketeers” who criticize, ignore, defend and delay. The key is to learn instead of what to do. Gottman emphasizes the power of habits such as admiration, gratitude, and companionship. Here he presents his now famous 5-1 ratio. The idea is that a thriving marriage has a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.
One important tip: you can get better at fighting. It looks weird, doesn’t it? But Guttmann says the key is to have tough conversations with a flexible startup. In other words, start out friendly and respectful and your arguments will become less and more productive.
Big Idea: This is another classic game. Chapman changed the communication game with this book. His main observation was that we all perceive love in different ways. Some people like to receive gifts. Others prefer their partner to clean up the yard or do all the dishes. This book unravels the mystery by highlighting five basic love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. When you know your partner’s love language and your partner knows yours, you become more adept at giving and receiving love.
One important tip: Many couples try to express their love but get stuck in a cycle of speaking in different languages. Chapman compares it to speaking English and Chinese. Both are effective languages, but you can’t really communicate with your partner if you don’t understand the other. Once you know each other’s love language, you start speaking the same language again. This leads to better communication, familiarity and understanding.
Emotional And Sexual Intimacy In Marriage: How To Connect Or Reconnect With Your Spouse, Grow Together, And Strengthen Your Marriage: Kusi, Marcus, Kusi, Ashley: 9780998729107: Books
Big Idea: OK, full disclosure: this is our book. But that’s all. We have written this book in a way that no other author has explored the unique circumstances of modern marriage. In particular, no one has addressed the question that faces all modern couples: how can you be equal and love each other? Our book explains why the conventional pursuit of 50/50 justice is broken and hated. Introducing a new and better model of marriage based on radical altruism. This book is full of practical tools and exercises to create a new mindset of generosity. It provides tools for creating priorities, boundaries, roles, authority, and gender structures that allow you and your partner to succeed together as a couple.
One important tip: Striving for 80/80 generosity can seem impossible. But from more than 100 interviews, we’ve learned that one radical act of generosity can lead to contagious growth. It breaks the cycle of resentment and encourages your partner to be more active, communicative and generous with you.
Big Idea: This is a more spiritual, Christian-centered approach to marriage. Keeler’s current marriage is a spiritual journey we take with our partners. It is a way for two soul mates to deepen their relationship and connect in faith. Along the way, Keeler learned some important marriage skills. It’s things like seeing the “sweetheart” in your partner instead of focusing on their flaws, and understanding the importance of telling each other the hard truths we often hide. Ultimately, marriage can be a path on which we grow together, heal together, and deepen our spiritual lives with each other.
One big tip: This book challenges you to get rid of the most problematic myth in marriage: that you need the “right” spouse. It is an idea that creates a selfish view of marriage as a means of self-realization. Keeler reminds us that compatibility is an illusion and that it is better to embrace our differences.
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The Big Idea: Why do we so easily engage in conflict, passive aggression, and other self-destructive behaviors in our relationships? This book offers revolutionary answers. This suggests that we easily fall into “irrational” and destructive patterns: not holding our partners accountable, indulging in emotional patterns inherited from our parents, or replaying old patterns of childhood trauma. Hendrix’s version is to become “aware”. In practice, it invites us to move from our inherited regular practices to a new phase of “shared commitment.” In other words, instead of letting our childhood patterns and parents run the show, we become conscious creators of our relationships using these tools.
One important piece of advice: You are 100% responsible for your marriage experience. It may be the most radical and transformative idea in the book. It’s an idea that moves us from a mindset of victimization or “influence” by our partner to seeing how we are responsible for creating problematic patterns in our relationships. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is a path to liberation in relationships.
Big Idea: Do you ever feel like all kinds of “nonsensical” patterns are emerging in your life and marriage? This is what this book focuses on. Hendrix tells us that the predictable meshing of relationships is the result of childhood patterns and trauma. These patterns are often unconscious and under the radar of our awareness. For most of us, however, they run the show. This is the basic idea of his “Imago” theory. The great thing about this book is that it shows you how to go from an “unconscious” relationship to an “conscious” one. This transformation takes us from the “old brain” to the “new mind” and our goal is to use our experiences in relationships to grow and heal together.
One important piece of advice: Our purpose in marriage is to be our partner’s therapist. “We resist the instinct to make a conscious decision to focus on our needs and focus on theirs,” Hendricks said. This is a transformative idea. This means that your path to healing is not what your partner gives you. That’s what you give them.
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The Big Idea: We’re stuck in a cultural moment where most couples see themselves as “models of independence,” as Tatkin calls them. It is a model where our individual needs are more important than the needs of our collective life. Tatkin offers a better alternative, as the book explores a “relationship model” in which partners prioritize the “couple bubble” over their personal needs, the needs of others, and projects outside the system. This way of thinking about relationships and marriage helps create a sense of connection and safety, a safe haven for both partners to escape the craziness of modern life.
One important tip: Consider Tatkin’s “third” idea. The third concerns family members, children, friends, and even projects outside the marital system. Consider how your mother-in-law is pressuring you to go on vacation with her for the next week. Tatkin says one of the keys to a happy marriage is prioritizing the needs of the “couple bubble” over the “third” outside.
The Big Idea: This book is based on the psychological premise that we are connected to each other through our relationships. We want to feel close, safe and secure. When you lose your sense of security, all kinds of bad things happen. We get into a kind of turmoil where we get involved in resentment, conflict, and other destructive behavior. How do we create an attachment? That is the wonder of this book. Johnson outlines seven important “conversations” couples can have to restore a sense of safety and connection.
One important piece of advice: forgiveness is important. When it comes to dealing with the effects of damaged past relationships, Johnson says forgiveness may be the only way to restore love and connection. This is a very good idea to consider. Where do you still hold a grudge? How can forgiving a partner open up a new world of love and relationships?
The All Or Nothing Marriage — Eli J. Finkel
Big Idea: Are you ready to take a radical stand in your relationship? Cathy’s book explores one of the most problematic attitudes in human relationships: our insatiable desire for love and recognition. The desire for approval leads to all kinds of perversions. It feeds the part of us that is jealous, resentful or passive aggressive. Love becomes a stock market that simply loves you